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Dec. 14th, 2004

purple e/s profile

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best found porn EVAR.
this was sitting on the end of the aisle at the grocery store (Basha's on McDowell).
anyone else find it as phallic as i do?

Dec. 7th, 2004

purple e/s profile

(no subject)

when boys make me cry on the way to work,
all of the brake lights that are ahead of me leave a watery red design.



cry in a good way, of course. there was a little mix cd stuck to the mirror this morning. a heart drawn in sharpie made me smile as i pulled it down carefully and hopped into the shower to start my day. i resisted the temptation to pop it into the computer and see what was on it. i put it in as soon as i got into the car, and was hit by a emotional punch to the gut. jack johnson started singing, and it brought me back home.

You said this was all you had
And it's all I need
But blah blah blah
Because it fell apart and
I guess it's all you knew
And all I have
But now we have
Only confused hearts and
I guess all we have
Is really all we need


maybe we really do have confused hearts. i love him so much. i need to start watching what i say, i can get really mean and it's not intentional. i have to be careful because i know he's fragile, and i know i can be harsh. that can be a dangerous combination. i love him for who he is, and i don't want to make him any less sensitive. i fell in love with the boy who cries when he's drunk and sings me songs when i'm unhappy. the boy who writes me poems and sticks mix cd's on the bathroom mirror. he's the other half of my heart, and i can't imagine life without him.

(note: 1,000,000 points to whoever knows the opening line to this journal entry is in reference to)

Dec. 6th, 2004

purple e/s profile

(no subject)

1) i miss my friends

2) beginning to form a love/hate relationship with my job

3) apartment hunting is aggravating my soul

4) muse is playing here 12/12 and i'm going

5) going to tucson on friday to see my uncle

christmas.

christmas.

christmas.

hrm.

it's such an annual landmark, even more so than new years. i always seem to say every year "jesus, it's christmas again already."

what have i accomplished? where am i in comparison to last year? not where i want to be, but moving in the right direction i suppose. i feel like i can look back through the years and remember all the different times sitting in the living room, christmas tree glowing along side the tv, both with a familiar ambiance. it's hard to believe that all those times were an entire year apart.

i just deleted the two paragraph tangent about this being the first christmas without my family.

i need to get over it.

Nov. 30th, 2004

purple e/s profile

(no subject)

anyone who knows me will find this as funny as i do.

      
stackers are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Nov. 25th, 2004

purple e/s profile

(no subject)

my list of things I'm thankful for

first and foremost i'm thankful for my family, who when faced with all the trials i put myself through growing up, never failed to show me love and not once turned their back on me. they're the one constant in my life that i know without a doubt will be there regardless of circumstance. i can't thank them enough. they gave me a good concience, and gave me a firm grasp on the difference between right and wrong while still allowing me to make my own decisions. my mother for teaching my the importance of my independance, making me believe in my abilities, encouraging my creativity and making me proud of the person i've become. my father for giving me my skeptical nature, my strong work ethic and grasp of financial concepts, and most importantly for taking me as his responisibility without fail while still never making me feel that i wasn't his own child.

i'm thankful for ben. even though i think we both have to work to make ourselves better people, i feel us growing in a common direction, while many others grow apart. i hope the positive changes we both make in ourselves will make our relationship stronger. i'm thankful that he gives me everything i can't give myself. he raises my self esteem and makes me feel cherished, protected and loved.

i'm thankful for the education i recieved, and for the teachers who saw my education as the lighting of a fire, not the filling of a bucket. they not only gave me a foundation for living a productive life, but sparked an inquisitive and investigative nature.

i'm thankful for living in a country where my gender didn't hinder me from becoming the person i want to be. a country where i can vote in elections or even run for office. a country where i'm not persecuted for my ideas and and am given the freedom to practice whichever religion makes me feel complete.

i'm thankful for my job, my ability to work, and my ability to be self- sufficient.

i'm thankful for the people i love, and the people i've loved in the past. the heart is a muscle, and the more it's used, the stronger it gets. i'm thankful that my heart is the strongest muscle in my body. the relationships i've had have taught me invaluable lessons, and what to expect of myself and other people.

i'm thankful for my health. while i may have a crooked back, some cavities, and be prone to a cough if i get cold, i can still wake up every morning, stand on my two legs and walk to the shower. i can still look in the mirror with two brown eyes, and breathe in with healthy lungs.

i'm thankful for the people who've died to make my life better- the brave men and women who give their lives to help make sure that mine is comfortable and protected.

i'm thankful for my positive outlook, my ability to see the best in people and my ability to try and look at the greater good and the bigger picture.

let's all try and remember to do a little personal reflection, and realize that maybe (just maybe) we should take a break from our bitching and moaning, our complaining and protesting, our prozac and lattes, to realize that we really don't have it that bad.

Nov. 17th, 2004

purple e/s profile

(no subject)

my new icon owns.



if you wanna use it... credit me, pretty please.

Nov. 16th, 2004

purple e/s profile

(no subject)

so i was getting ready for work, and something caught my eye in the bathroom mirror.

a grey hair.

i've fought the temptation to pluck the bastard out, partially out of rebellion, partially out of fear three more will grow back to replace it, and partially out of a sick desire to be forced to feel old. it sort of put things into perspective. that, along with the fact that shortly thereafter, i found two others. now i see them every morning, a reminder of the fact that i now have tangible evidence of my own mortality. don't i sound emo?

ben told me once that he thought my beauty was "timeless." that's definately something i'll never forget, one of those compliments that sticks with you. it made me think of that, and made me hope he was right. i hope i age gracefully. i guess i'll find out here soon.

Nov. 7th, 2004

purple e/s profile

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so i just got done watching the documentary "supersize me." i'll say, it was an excellent compliment to the book fast food nation. i recommend you watch/read those immediately. i had given up fast food within the first chapter of the book, and it was further confirmed with watching that movie.

speaking of giving things up, i'm back on the no sugar bandwagon. i had fell off the day before my birthday and have been cheating ever since. i was two weeks with no sugar, one week with. i'm already feeling the effects. i've been trying to hype myself up with a bunch of anti-sugar propiganda online, and it helps a little. it's going to be hard working in an office with three fully stocked vending machines... but i can do it. it might take some effort, but i'll bring some stevia to sweeten my coffee :)

anyway, bed time... i'd like to get a run in before work tomorrow.

Nov. 6th, 2004

purple e/s profile

(no subject)

camera phone sunsetCollapse )
purple e/s profile

(no subject)

boy. when ben redeems himself, he takes no prisoners.


look what was sitting on my desk this morningCollapse )

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